I have not shared this with you before, but straight after the Easter weekend my lovely Triumph motorcycle was written off by a driver who pulled out on me with the classic phrase, SMIDSY, sorry mate I did not see you. Firstly, they were not my mate, and secondly, when he asked if I was ok and I replied using some fairly industrial language and he took offence, I really did not care.
The good news is that aside from some bruising, a little physio, I was fine, and the bike itself was not as bad as it could have been. However, it was classed as a financial write off because the cost of repairs outweighed the value of a ten year old, high mileage bike.
Now, I could have let that moment define what happened next. I could have stepped away from riding altogether. But I made a decision quite quickly that I was not going to let that happen.
While I waited for my brand new, shiny Kawasaki to arrive, my husband insured me on one of his bikes. I will be honest with you, it took real courage to swing my leg over a bike I had never ridden before and head back out on the road after an incident like that. And when I reached the exact same junction where it happened, I felt it, that sharp intake of breath, heart in my mouth, that moment of hesitation.
But I did it!
However, something else happened too. I noticed I became more aware, more observant, especially when approaching junctions. Dare I say it but I was a little more fearful, and certainly more tuned in.
This is exactly why Mental Health Month matters so much, because it is not about avoiding fear, it is about understanding it, working with it, and not letting it run the show.
Recently, I was talking with one of my clients and they were sharing something I hear all the time, the spiral of “what if” thinking.
What if I crash into someone
What if someone beeps me
What if I get confused or end up in the wrong lane
What if I have a panic attack
What if I feel sick or actually am sick
You can feel how quickly that builds, can’t you.
Here’s the truth, in most cases, none of those things actually happen. Or if they do, they are nowhere near as dramatic as the mind has painted them to be. It’s a belief, and remember within the word belief is lie. (See my previous post about the closed loop system).
So, from both my own experience and the patterns I see in my clients, I have developed a simple approach I call The Three C’s Fear to Flow coping strategy.
Be CONSCIOUS, CONSIDER but do not CATASTROPHISE!
First, be Conscious.
Notice the thought, notice the feeling. We all have intrusive thoughts, it is part of being human. A thought is just a thought, it is not an instruction. You do not have to act on it. If someone beeps you and it was your mistake, own it, a quick hand up, job done. If it was not your fault, that is on them, not you.
Your subconscious mind is trying to protect you, but sometimes it goes into overdrive. You can acknowledge it, even thank it, but you do not have to let it take control.
Next, Consider.
Take a moment and ask yourself, is this actually likely. Is this situation really going to unfold in the way your mind is predicting. Are you truly going to have a panic attack, or are you feeling anxious about the possibility of feeling anxious, fearing the fear itself.
And here is something really important, even if something uncomfortable did happen, you are far more capable than you think. You will handle it. You always have. It’s a natural reaction to avoid feeling uncomfortable, stressed and anxious, but that doesn’t mean we cannot still perform when we need to. (See my previous blog about getting comfortable being uncomfortable)
Finally, do not Catastrophise.
Once you have acknowledged and considered the thought, do not let it spiral into something far bigger than it needs to be. Catastrophising is what keeps people stuck. It convinces you that something unbearable is just around the corner, when in reality, you are building resilience every time you face a challenge and move through it.
This is exactly what I am doing myself as I get used to my new bike. The feelings show up, I notice them, I question them, and I keep going.
Progress does not come from waiting until you feel fearless. It comes from moving forward with the fear, in a steady, grounded way. We feel the fear and do it anyway.
So, during Mental Health Month, I want you to remember this. You do not need to eliminate fear to move forward. You just need a way to respond to it.
Be Conscious, Consider, but do not Catastrophise.
Keep going. You are far more capable than you give yourself credit for.