Driving Anxiety Archives - Page 3 of 3 - The Driving Anxiety Coach

Breaking a journey down into manageable steps

I went away over the Easter break to The Netherlands and toured across the country on my push bike. The phrase ‘When in Rome’ springs to mind as The Netherlands accommodates 17 million inhabitants and 23 million bicycles, (around 2 million are e-bikes). I don’t own an e-bike so had to rely on my own fitness to get me round. It was however, a pleasure (most of the time) to cycle in The Netherlands as a) it’s flat.. very flat; and b) everywhere you go there are fit for purpose cycle paths so I felt safe cycling in most places. Amsterdam was a little more challenging, but generally speaking it was great experience once we got our heads around riding on the other side of the road from the UK.

I rarely cycle in the UK these days as the roads around the area I live in rural Buckinghamshire is very poorly maintained to point they are too dangerous for anyone on two wheels and unfortunately the attitudes of some drivers is negative towards cycling and I don’t feel safe. So, one of my issues was my fitness as I haven’t cycled any decent distance at home since COVID times so felt bad that I was holding my friends up.

The last day of our break we were due to cycle from the east side of the country to the west in one hit to catch the ferry back home. The distance was 60 miles (around 100km) and the weather forecast was not good with a band of heavy rain and head on winds hitting the country from the afternoon. So, I had a contingency plan to catch a train if the going got too tough for me.

It became clear that fitness was less of any issue and mental attitude was the biggest. I had to change my mindset. Rather than my story being, ‘I’ll never be able to do this’, I had to change it to ‘I CAN do this’, and quite frankly it was a game changer.

Also, rather than thinking I have 60 miles to cycle I broke it down into six lots of ten mile sections. Stopping for a short break and ticking off each section as we went by.

The main train station I considered stopping at was around 35 miles in, but when we got to it, I had kept my story positive and was enjoying the journey, plus we were making good time to beat the bad weather.

Unfortunately, the weather did close in on us with around 15 miles to go and but with most of the journey now under my belt I made the decision to keep going. I kept my mindset positive by saying out loud ‘this is fun’, (a little ironically, but nevertheless it worked. Fake it till you make it!)

I looked to the end of each road, or section of cycle path to reach and counted down the last few sections. Even with the now awful weather I knew the going was so easy in this country as there were no hills and I did not want to waste this opportunity.

The sense of achievement was amazing! It left me confident I could and would do this again.

So, when you are looking at doing a journey be it long or short, don’t think of it as a whole. Break it down into bite size manageable steps or sections. Stop for a break and move onto the next section. If the going gets tough within those sections then micro-section it, to the end of a road, a tree or a sign. The biggest challenge is in our heads. Mental attitude is everything.

Driving Anxiety is Cognitive, not Physical

Anxiety and panic attacks, regardless of the triggers, often come with a set of physical symptoms. This can be dizziness, Norcia, tingling hands and legs, raised heart rate etc. Because we don’t like the way this makes us feel, we then avoid the triggers that set these symptoms off.

The fact is though that your Anxiety is Cognitive, not Physical. Let me repeat that: Anxiety is Cognitive, not Physical.

When it comes to Driving Anxiety this can become extremely restrictive to your life as you have to rely on others or not so reliable public transport. You start living your life on other peoples’ schedules, not your own. This can be costly both financially and emotionally and can put strain on relationships.

The trouble is, we start to fear the fear and so AVOID the places that trigger those uncomfortable feelings. (This is natural as human beings we don’t want to feel these uncomfortable and sometimes out of control feelings). But let me repeat… This is COGNATIVE, NOT PHYSICAL.

So, what does RECOVERY look like? Well firstly, Recovery is not linier and it isn’t easy. I want you to understand that RECOVERY for Driving Anxiety doesn’t mean the fear will go away entirely. It’s about managing the fear by gentle exposure or baby-steps if you prefer.

Accepting that the occasional wave of panic or anxiety may still re-visit you, but you as you are EMPOWERED with the right tools to cope, you get through and understand that you are OK! This is what recovery looks like. This is your new normal.

What is Exposure Therapy?

“It is a technique in behaviour therapy to treat anxiety disorders. It involves exposing the client to the issue source or its context without the intension to cause harm. Over time, people find their reactions to the situation decreases.” That’s what a google search would come up with.

Stress itself is healthy and we need it to get by, but it needs to be managed.

. If we stress our muscles through exercise they get stronger, but you wouldn’t walk into a gym and start lifting weights beyond your capability. Indeed, this would cause you harm and you probably wouldn’t go back. But by exposing your muscles regularly through gentle repetitions you can gain strength.

Just as a tree grows stronger in the wind for the next wind to come. But again if the wind was too strong it would break.

Exposure to driving roads clients are not comfortable driving on requires regular and gentle exposure to build up to feeling less uncomfortable each time. Again, over doing it would not be helpful but bit by bit #BabySteps, we can change your behaviour, your beliefs and your story.

It’s easy to get frustrated or impatient to be able to do more and get back to where you used to be before the anxiety / phobia took a hold of you, but patience is the key. #onedayatatime

#Vehophobia #DrivingAnxiety

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway!

Back in August I headed out for another adventure with some more of my swimming buddies, this time to Pembrokeshire.

One of our activities was Coasteering (jumping off rocks into the sea).

This activity pushed the boundaries and anxiety buttons for several of us. But we were in good hands, great company beautiful scenery and perfect weather and conditions.

The thought of jumping off a 3 meter cliff into deep water filled many of us with total dread… But of course we didn’t start with a 3 meter jump.

Initially we were introduced to small step off of a rock that was half a meter above the calm waters, and this was after a safety briefing.

Bit by bit we were exposed higher jumps until eventually we reached a rock that offered a range of different heights, 2, 3 and 4 meters! Gradually we each jumped from the first, then back again to do it again, and again. Once we felt ‘comfortable’ with one height, we moved to the next height.

I’m not going to lie, it took me a fair amount of mental effort to jump the 3 meters, but I did it!… eventually! Not once but twice!! (However I was happy to leave the 4 meter jump to the others who didn’t struggle with heights in the way I did).

By being exposed to these jumps bit by bit we gradually desensitised to the fear. It didn’t go away entirely but became manageable to the point we all thoroughly enjoyed the experience. We encouraged each other and whooped and praised each other too.

That’s exactly the way I encourage my clients to work towards their goals of being able to drive on roads that appear too scary to cope with initially. By graduated desensitisation or in other words… baby steps. Dip your toe in, then your ankle.. and so on. (If you’ll pardon the metaphor).

It is easier to walk away. But give it a try see how the experience can open up your world to endless possibilities.

Box breathing can reduce your anxiety

This is a simple technique that helps with anxiety and can be done while sitting quietly in the car. It’s called Square or Box Breathing. Simply control your breathing by breathing in for the count of 4, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for the count of 4, hold for 4 seconds and repeat for 4 to 6 cycles.

This is a great way to reduce anxiety by lowering the heart rate by working with the Vagus Nerve.

This is used by some law enforcement and military units during high pressure situations. If it’s good enough for them, you might want to give it a go too.

Facing a little of my own anxiety, but doing it anyway.

At the end of March I went back to my beloved open water swimming for the first time since contracting Covid. It felt wonderful to be back in the water. I’ve missed it so much.

What has this got to do with driving? Well, nothing except I can honestly say I felt more anxious than I thought I would getting into the cold water after nearly 3 weeks since my last swim, solo and after being ill and quite shattered with Omicrap!

None of my swim buddies were free so I chose to go to a lake that is life guarded and I always have a tow float. I spoke with the lifeguard and explained my situation. He fully understood and advised I shouldn’t go further than the fountain, 100m in. It was a little foggy so he wanted me in his sight.

Easing in I felt my heart beating stronger than usual so practiced as I preach and steadied my breathing with slow deep belly breaths. Then, straight from the advice from Mel Robbins, I said out loud ‘5-4-3-2-1, I’m excited!!’ (This helps to trick the brain into feeling excited instead of anxious. It's called Reframing.) Then I was swimming gently.

I focused on the next escape rout and then the next. In the end I managed the 400m I’d wanted to do but in bite size baby steps knowing I had someone watching me and I could get out sooner if I really had to. Doing the 200m length in one go, then back would have been too much on that day, but achieving the same distance in broken down steps was very achievable and left me wanting to do more again next week.

Though I’m used to doing more, it’s ok to take a step back, re-gather yourself and celebrate the achievement of the day. Log it, and move on.

Driving is no different. There will be good days when you can achieve a lot and others when you can’t. Just do something 🙏👍

It’s surprising how quickly you can reduce driving anxiety by taking one step at a time and regularly repeating the same exercise. I have helped many people do the same.
If you would like help with your driving, give me a call on 07889 186100 or email diane@thedrivinganxietycoach.co.uk

Sky-Diving

Have you ever jumped from an aeroplane? I did a tandem jump many years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. The thought of jumping from a plane 12,000 feet up in the air was overwhelming. My stress levels were high, my heart was racing, and I was sweating. Then I was introduced to my instructor, Mike. He was calm and very experienced so I knew I was in safe hands.

The briefing took us through one step by step instructions. Then it dawned on me… all I had to do was follow each individual instruction, one step at a time. Get on the plane, tick. Clip to my instructor, tick. Shuffle to the door, tick. Sit on the edge… Stress levels were somewhat high at this point I won’t lie! Cross my hands over my chest and allow my instructor to push us off. Try not to swear – Fail. When free-falling, make like a banana. – tick. Put me feet on his when landing then on touch down, run – all done! I was given bite-size instructions and achieved it.

My instructor had done over 500 jumps. I was mentally exhausted. He congratulated me and headed off to meet his next customer. To him this was just another day at the office. It wasn’t always like this for him but with constant exposure he simply habituated to it. Research shows that by just the third jump sky-divers stress hormones are no higher than it would be in a long queue in a supermarket. I haven’t put this to the test as my skydive was a tick off the bucket list and I’m happy with that.

It’s surprising how quickly you can reduce driving anxiety by taking one step at a time and regularly repeating the same exercise. I have helped many people do the same.

If you want to skydive, I suggest turning to Google. If you would like help with your driving, give me a call on 07889 186100 or email diane@thedrivinganxietycoach.co.uk

Exposure Therapy reduces stress and anxiety

Stress effects everyone to one degree or another. In fact, we need a certain level of stress to keep us functioning. But overloading on stress is detrimental to our wellbeing.

For those who suffer with Vehophobia (a fear of driving), this will affect so many angles of your life. You may well have some form of stress and anxiety coping strategies. Typically controlling your breathing, listening to calm music, yoga, mindfulness etc. But the only way you are going to truly be able to take back control is to ‘face your fear’ and let’s face it, even that phrase can be enough to trigger your anxiety levels to spike.

But what if I told you that by doing exactly this, in baby-steps, you can be back in control of your own life rather than the anxiety controlling you. How would it feel to be able to do the school run, take your partner to the train station, say yes to meeting your friends 30 miles away without that anxious feeling overwhelming you…

Just as we build strength by stressing our muscles, we can condition ourselves for bravery by facing the anxiety. We possess a kind of ‘stress immune system’, so facing fears repeatedly without serious harm can inoculate us against stress and make it more manageable.

Here’s a sciency bit: Researchers placed mice in a large empty box to simulate an open field where a predator could swoop down on them, the mice initially lost control of their bowels with their stress hormones spiking as they froze in terror. When they did move, they slinked alongside the wall. However, when they were placed in the box day after day, they soon became habituated to the stress. Eventually, they became brave enough to go over to the middle of the box to investigate a new toy when one was placed there. Their body is still releasing stress hormones, but the stress became manageable.

So by dealing with driving anxiety we approach it with a multiple-level approach of stress relieving coping strategies, together with gently pushing boundaries and reflecting on how you feel. If the toy in the box for you is the motorway, the bridge or a short school run. It IS achievable. You just need to get started.

So do it now and give me a call on 07889 186100 or email diane@thedrivinganxietycoach.co.uk

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