Author: Diane Curtis-Knight

Mental Health Week is here—a time to reflect, raise awareness, and talk about what it really means to look after our minds and emotional well-being.

This year, I want to shine a light on something that doesn’t get talked about nearly enough in the world of mental health: distress tolerance. Or, to put it more simply—getting better at doing hard things.

Whether it’s stepping back into the driving seat after a scary experience, tackling the motorway, or even just starting the engine after months or years away, these moments can feel unbearable. They spike our anxiety. They tighten our chests. And they whisper, “You can’t do this.”

But here’s the truth: you can.

You just might need to build your tolerance to distress first.

What Is Distress Tolerance?

Distress tolerance is your ability to cope with discomfort without immediately trying to escape it. It’s not about pretending you’re fine or forcing yourself to “push through.” It’s about learning to sit with difficult emotions—fear, worry, overwhelm—without letting them steer the wheel.

It’s a skill, and like any skill, it can be developed.

For anxious drivers and those with vehophobia, this is game-changing.

Why This Matters for Driving Anxiety

Let’s be honest: driving when you’re anxious is hard.

You’re facing something that feels physically and emotionally unsafe—even when you’re technically in no danger. It’s hard because your body is screaming “No!” and you’re trying to respond with a quiet but firm “Yes, we’re doing this anyway.”

That’s brave. That’s powerful. But it’s not easy.

So rather than jumping into the deep end, I encourage people to build their distress tolerance in layers. Start small. Sit in the driver’s seat with the engine off. Take a few deep breaths. Let the anxiety come—and stay—with you. And then notice: you survived it.

Over time, you’ll be able to stretch that tolerance further. A short drive around the block. A quiet road at an off-peak time. Little by little, your window of what feels manageable will widen.

Building Your “Doing Hard Things” Muscle

• Recognise the discomfort

Instead of avoiding it, name it. “This is fear.” “This is uncertainty.” When you name it, you contain it.

• Break it down

Driving on the motorway might feel impossible. But what’s the very first step? Sitting in the car? Turning on the engine? That’s your starting line.

• Try a cold shower

Yes, really! Turning your shower to cold (even for 30 seconds at the end) is a powerful, safe way to build resilience. Your body protests, your mind wants to avoid it—and yet, you do it anyway. That’s distress tolerance in action. You’re training your nervous system to stay steady in the face of discomfort.

• Breathe through it

Use your breath like an anchor when distress rises. It won’t make the fear disappear, but it will remind you that you are in control.

• Celebrate small wins

Every step forward—no matter how small—is evidence that you’re becoming someone who can do hard things.

• Seek support

You don’t have to do this alone. Coaching, community, and compassionate guidance can help you move at a pace that honours your nervous system.

For Mental Health Week, Let This Be Your Takeaway:

Doing hard things doesn’t mean forcing yourself to suffer. It means expanding your capacity to feel discomfort without retreating from the life you want to live.

So whether you’re working toward driving again, navigating recovery from a setback, or simply learning to be with yourself more gently—know this: you’re not weak for finding it hard. You’re strong for showing up anyway.

You’ve already survived so much.

Now it’s time to reclaim the road, one brave mile at a time.

When it comes to overcoming driving anxiety, a gradual, structured approach is key. This is what I call succession progression—stepping up your challenges in a way that builds confidence and makes previously daunting tasks feel easier.

I’ve experienced this first-hand—not just as a coach but as a rider myself. My own journey on two wheels has mirrored the same principles I teach my clients. When I started riding again last year, I had a clear limit: I wanted to avoid faster single carriageways because I didn’t like the speed. I stuck to slower roads, but as I got more comfortable, I nudged myself onto short sections of these faster roads.

Then came the next level—facing a short stretch of a national speed limit dual carriageway. It wasn’t my ideal route, but circumstances led me there. To my surprise, after tackling it, I found that my previous anxiety about single carriageways had eased. I had levelled up, and what once felt overwhelming now felt manageable.

Recently, another challenge arose: I had to ride a long stretch of a national speed limit dual carriageway. This was a road I had deliberately avoided for so long. But I did it—and I felt amazing afterward! That rush of pride and accomplishment reinforced what I always tell my clients: stepping outside your comfort zone, even just a little, leads to lasting confidence gains.

But my biggest test was yet to come. During a lesson with my Institute of Advanced Motorcyclists observer, he casually mentioned that we might touch on a motorway—just for one junction. I went cold. That was my no-go zone, my absolute ‘not happening’ road. He gave me the option to skip it, but I knew deep down that if I let fear make the decision, I wouldn’t be practicing what I preach.

So, we went for it. I used my trusted techniques: the 5-4-3-2-1 method (counting down and committing), singing, and even chanting how excited I was to be doing it. And, as always, the anticipation was worse than the reality. After just 90 seconds, I started to settle, my speed steady between 50-60mph. Before I knew it, I had covered five miles, exited the motorway, and re-joined a national speed limit dual carriageway. And here’s the magic—after the motorway, that dual carriageway felt easy. I was up to 70mph effortlessly, something that had previously felt so intimidating.

This is succession progression in action. By pushing yourself to the next level, what once seemed unachievable suddenly becomes second nature. It’s all about gradual exposure, small wins, and stacking confidence.

So, whether you’re tackling a busy roundabout, driving on a dual carriageway for the first time, or preparing for your first motorway drive, remember: every level up makes the last one feel easier. Keep taking those steps forward—you’re stronger than you think!

How Smiling Can Help You Drive with Confidence
When you think about techniques to ease driving anxiety, smiling might not be the first thing that comes to mind. But science suggests that something as simple as a smile can have a profound impact on your mood, stress levels, and even your driving performance.

The Science Behind Smiling
Smiling is more than just an outward expression—it has deep psychological and physiological effects. Research shows that when you smile, your brain releases feel-good neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. These chemicals help reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and create a sense of calm. Even a forced smile can trick your brain into feeling happier and more relaxed!
Interestingly, studies have shown that smiling can actually lower your heart rate and decrease cortisol, the stress hormone. This means that when you smile, you are actively helping your body combat stress and anxiety, making it an effective tool for anxious drivers who struggle with nerves behind the wheel.

How Smiling Can Help You While Driving
For anxious drivers, the thought of getting behind the wheel can trigger a flood of stress hormones. But smiling can act as a natural counterbalance. Here’s how it helps:
• Reduces Stress and Tension: Smiling signals to your nervous system that you are safe, which can help deactivate the fight-or-flight response that makes driving feel overwhelming.
• Encourages Positive Thinking: A smile can shift your mindset from dread to determination, reminding you that you can do this.
• Influences Your Posture and Breathing: Smiling helps relax tense facial muscles, which in turn encourages deeper, steadier breathing—an essential tool for staying calm while driving.
• Enhances Your Focus: By reducing stress, smiling can help clear mental fog and keep you focused on the road rather than on anxious thoughts.
• Creates a Ripple Effect: Smiling can influence your interactions with other drivers, making them more likely to respond with patience and kindness.
Moreover, smiling while driving can help you maintain a steady, composed demeanor in high-pressure situations such as merging onto a motorway, navigating through heavy traffic, or dealing with impatient drivers. When you smile, you subtly remind yourself that you are in control and that there is no immediate threat—this can be particularly beneficial for those who struggle with panic-like responses while driving.

A Simple Smiling Strategy for Driving
If you feel nervous before or during a drive, try this simple exercise:
1. Take a deep breath—inhale slowly through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
2. Smile gently—even if it feels unnatural at first.
3. Hold the smile for at least 10 seconds and notice how your body begins to relax.
4. Repeat whenever needed, especially at traffic lights, before merging, or in situations that usually make you feel uneasy.
5. Pair it with a positive affirmation, such as “I am calm and in control” or “I can handle this drive.”
You can also make smiling a habit by associating it with specific driving moments. For example, every time you start the engine, stop at a red light, or adjust your mirrors, take a second to smile. Over time, this small habit can rewire your brain to associate driving with feelings of ease rather than anxiety.
Smiling and Mindfulness: A Powerful Combination
Smiling is even more effective when combined with mindfulness techniques. If you can remain present in the moment while driving—focusing on the feel of the steering wheel, the rhythm of your breathing, or the sights around you—you can further reduce stress. Smiling reinforces this practice by keeping you in a positive and receptive state of mind, making it easier to manage any driving-related anxieties as they arise.

Final Thoughts
It may sound too easy to be effective, but the science is clear: smiling can be a powerful tool in reducing driving anxiety. A simple smile can shift your mindset, relax your body, and improve your overall driving experience. So next time you’re behind the wheel, give yourself permission to smile. A small change in expression can lead to a big change in how you feel, helping you drive with greater confidence and ease.

Give it a try—your brain (and your driving experience) will thank you! 🙂

Driving anxiety, or vehophobia, can feel like a barrier to freedom and independence. For some, it’s rooted in a specific event, like a past accident. For others, it might stem from a general fear of losing control, navigating busy roads, or even the responsibility of being behind the wheel. Whatever the cause, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) offers tools to reframe these fears, helping you build confidence and regain control over your driving experience.

What is Neuro-Linguistic Programming?

At its core, NLP is about understanding the connection between the mind (neuro), language (linguistic), and patterns of behaviour (programming). By examining and altering how you think, speak, and act, NLP enables you to overcome limiting beliefs, shift unhelpful thought patterns, and create new, empowering habits.

For anxious drivers, this approach can unlock significant breakthroughs. By rewiring the way your mind perceives driving—moving from fear to calm focus—NLP helps you take practical steps toward becoming a more confident driver.

How NLP Addresses Driving Anxiety

1. Identifying Limiting Beliefs Many driving anxieties are fuelled by limiting beliefs, such as:
   • “I feel totally out of control.”
   • “Something bad will definitely happen if I drive.”
   • “I’ll never get this right.”

NLP helps you challenge and reframe these beliefs. For instance, replace “I feel totally out of control” with “I have total control and can do this journey.” The shift may seem small, but it sets the stage for a more positive mindset.

1. Anchoring Positive States Anchoring is an NLP technique that links a positive emotional state to a physical trigger, such as pressing your thumb and forefinger together. Here’s how you can use anchoring:
   • Think of a time when you felt completely calm and in control.
   • As you recall this memory, focus on the details: what you saw, heard, and felt.
   • At the peak of this feeling, press your thumb and forefinger together. Repeat this process until the action consistently triggers the calm state.

You can use this anchor whenever you feel driving anxiety creeping in, helping you reset and refocus.

1. Reframing Negative Experiences Reframing is about changing the way you view past experiences. For example, if you’ve had a minor accident, your mind might replay it, amplifying your fear. With NLP, you can:
   • Imagine the event as a movie playing in your mind.
   • Alter the movie’s elements: reduce the brightness, lower the volume, or shrink the image.
   • Replay the event in this altered way until it feels less impactful.

By reframing the memory, you reduce its emotional charge, making it easier to move forward.

1. Using Visualisation to Build Confidence Visualisation is a powerful NLP tool for anxious drivers. Here’s an exercise to try:
   • Close your eyes and picture yourself driving confidently on a familiar route.
   • Imagine every detail: the sound of the engine, the feel of the steering wheel, and the scenery around you.
   • See yourself handling situations—like merging lanes or navigating a roundabout—with ease and control.

The more vividly you visualise success, the more your brain accepts it as achievable, reinforcing positive neural pathways.

Practical Steps to Integrate NLP into Your Driving Journey

1. Start Small and Build Gradually Apply NLP techniques in low-stress environments first, like visualising success before a short drive around your neighbourhood.
2. Use Affirmations Create positive affirmations that align with your driving goals, such as “I am calm, capable, and in control when I drive.” Repeat them daily to reinforce a positive mindset.
3. Seek Guidance from an NLP Practitioner If you find it challenging to apply these techniques on your own, consider working with an NLP coach who specialises in anxiety or driving-related fears.
4. Combine NLP with Practice Remember, mindset shifts need practical reinforcement. Pair NLP techniques with regular driving practice, starting with manageable routes and gradually increasing difficulty.

Transforming Your Driving Experience

NLP is not a magic cure, but it’s a powerful tool that equips you with strategies to reframe your mindset, address fears, and build confidence. By implementing these techniques, you’re not just improving your driving skills—you’re reclaiming your independence and freedom.

The journey to confident driving starts with a single step. By using NLP, you’re taking that step, proving to yourself that you can overcome driving anxiety and rediscover the joy of being behind the wheel.

 

What if I told you there’s a proven method to help you regain confidence and help overcome your driving anxiety? Visualisation—a technique used by athletes and backed by psychological studies—can make a real difference.

The Science Behind Visualisation

Elite athletes have long used visualisation to enhance their performance. Before a big event, they mentally rehearse their movements, envisioning every detail of their success. Research has shown that this mental practice stimulates the same parts of the brain as physically performing the activity.

A fascinating experiment demonstrated this principle: participants were divided into two groups. One group physically lifted weights, while the other group merely imagined doing so. Remarkably, the “imagining” group showed increased muscle strength, even without actual training. This is because imagining the action triggers neural pathways in the brain, preparing the body to execute the movement.

My Personal Experience

I recently put this into practice at the gym. For a week, I visualised lifting a heavier weight—a weight I had never managed before. Every day, I imagined gripping the bar, engaging my muscles, and completing the lift. When the time came to try for real, I succeeded! Whether it was psychosomatic or not doesn’t matter—the result was what I aimed for. Visualisation works.

Applying Visualisation to Driving Anxiety

The same principle applies to driving. By visualising your journey, you can prepare your mind and reduce stress. Here’s how:

1. Create a Mental Movie: Close your eyes and imagine the entire process. Picture yourself getting into the car, fastening your seatbelt, starting the engine, and moving off. Visualise each road, turn, and decision you’ll make until you reach your destination safely.
2. Be Detailed: Incorporate all senses. Hear the hum of the engine, feel the steering wheel, and see the road ahead. The more vivid your mental rehearsal, the better it will prepare you.
3. Practice Regularly: Make this a daily habit, especially before a journey. As a motorcycle rider, I still feel apprehensive before I ride, but visualisation helps calm my nerves and prepare me for the road.

Creating an Action Board for Your Goals

Another effective technique to complement visualisation is creating an Action Board. A New Year is a perfect time to set goals and aspirations. An Action Board (or vision board) helps you stay focused and motivated.

How to Create Your Driving Action Board

1. Identify Your Goals: Think about what triggers your driving anxiety. Is it a specific road or scenario?
2. Gather Images: Use Google Maps to capture a snapshot of the road you want to conquer or find pictures that represent calm, confident driving.
3. Assemble Your Board: Print the images and arrange them on a collage. Place it where you’ll see it often, like your fridge, desk, or as a screensaver on your phone or computer.
4. Stay Inspired: Each time you see your board, take a moment to visualise achieving your goals. Picture yourself driving confidently through those scenarios.

This isn’t “woo woo”—science supports the idea that visualising goals increases the likelihood of achieving them. I’ve created my Action Board and even introduced this project to some of my clients. It’s a fantastic way to turn aspirations into reality.

Share Your Journey

I’d love to see your Action Boards and hear how visualisation is helping you. Remember, the goal is progress, not perfection. With these tools, you’re taking proactive steps toward overcoming driving anxiety. Let’s make this the year you reclaim your confidence on the road!

Thoughts Shape Behaviour, and Behaviour Shapes Thoughts

The well-known phrase by Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right,” highlights the powerful connection between thoughts, behaviours, and feelings. If you tell yourself, “I can’t handle driving,” you’re reinforcing that belief every time you avoid getting behind the wheel. The more you avoid driving, the more daunting it feels, creating a cycle of fear and avoidance.

But here’s the good news: this cycle can be broken. It begins with small, intentional changes to your behaviour, even if your thoughts are still catching up.

Step 1: Start with Small Wins
You don’t need to conquer the busiest motorway on your first attempt. Start with manageable goals:

Drive around a quiet neighbourhood.
Practise parking in an empty car park.
Take short trips to familiar places during off-peak hours.
Each small success builds confidence and sends a message to your mind: I can do this.

Step 2: Challenge Negative Thoughts
Driving anxiety often feeds on unhelpful thoughts like, “I’ll never be able to do that,” or, “I’ll never be able to handle traffic.” When these thoughts arise, pause and ask yourself:

Is this thought realistic?
What evidence do I have that supports or contradicts it?
What’s a more balanced way to look at this situation?
For instance, instead of thinking, “I’ll panic and cause an accident,” try reframing it as, “I might feel nervous, but I’ve prepared for this, and I can manage it safely.”

Step 3: Lean Into Discomfort
Avoidance may provide short-term relief, but it reinforces the idea that driving is something to fear. Instead, gradually lean into the discomfort. Anxiety may increase at first, but as you gain more experience, those feelings will lessen.

Step 4: Create a Calming Routine
Before driving, establish a routine that helps to calm your mind and prepare you for success. This might include:

Deep breathing exercises to ease tension.
Visualising a smooth, successful drive.
Listening to a playlist of soothing or uplifting music.
These small actions signal to your brain that driving is manageable, not threatening.

Step 5: Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Progress isn’t about eliminating anxiety altogether—it’s about managing it and building confidence step by step. Celebrate every time you push through your fear, no matter how small the achievement may seem. Each step forward is a victory worth recognising.

Final Thoughts
Driving anxiety doesn’t define you, and it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding the relationship between your thoughts, behaviours, and feelings, you can chart a path towards greater confidence and freedom.

The key is not to wait until you feel ready, but to take action even when you don’t. With practice and patience, you can rewrite the story you’ve been telling yourself about driving, one small step at a time.

Remember, whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. Choose to believe that you can.

I recently had an epiphany!

I posted a blog last September about tackling my own fear of swimming in open water and keeping my eyes open when looking down. (https://www.thedrivinganxietycoach.co.uk/practicing-as-i-preach/)

I was sure that even though I had been very successful in achieving my goal in keeping my eyes open under water, I may have lost the ability to feel as comfortable doing the same again after not swimming face down through the winter. (Yes, I swim all year round.   Cold water swimming / emersion is a proven anxiety and stress relief together with many other physical and mental health benefits.  Even just simply turning the shower to cold for the last few seconds of your shower.

My epiphany came recently when I was doing one of my regular early morning swims with a group of like-minded souls.  I found myself swimming between two different groups. One group I had been swimming with turned back on themselves to return to the bank as they had a greater time restriction than me.  Another group were on the other side of the lake.   I started to swim towards this group but  found myself swimming on my own in the middle of this deep and dark lake.

It was at this point the monkey brain started to chatter.  I hadn’t heard it for quite a while as I rarely swim without someone else quite near me. But here I was, on my own, with one group swimming away, and I was aiming to swim towards the second group who were about 100 meters or so from me and continuing increase the gap.

When I say the monkey brain started to chatter… I quite expected to hear it to take over and feel the anxiety overwhelm me.  But it didn’t!  I didn’t feel a hundred percent comfortable, but I certainly didn’t get the overwhelming rise of anxiety either!  I calmly went into front crawl, face down… eyes open and one stroke after another I reached the second group of swim buddies.

I’ll repeat that… I kept my eyes open with my goggles on and didn’t feel any overwhelming rises in anxiety!

So, what was happening?  The desensitisation I had worked on last year was still there!  Yes, I felt the anxiety start to rise, but I acknowledged its presence, and it didn’t overwhelm me at all. I OBSERVED IT, BUT IT DIDN’T CONTROL ME!

Desensitisation through exposure therapy alongside other coping strategies, including Neuro Linguistic Programming can be helpful in so many areas of our life so we can simply observe how we feel without it controlling us and sabotaging the things we want and need to do.

How would you like to get to a point where you can observe the anxiety and the unhelpful chatter from the sabotaging monkey brain, but be able to simply acknowledge it, quieten the chatter and continue with moving forward?  There is no magic wand, but it IS possible!

 

Shut Your Mouth and Breathe!

Breathing techniques can be particularly effective in addressing Vehophobia and Driving Anxiety. Many individuals experience anxiety or stress while driving. Incorporating mindful breathing into the drive together with other tools discussed in previous blogs can offer a practical and immediate way to manage these feelings.  It is worth practicing these before driving so individuals become familiar with the techniques and how they feel.

Firstly, always shut your mouth.  Breathing through the nose is far more beneficial than mouth breathing as it acts as a filter to the lungs in a way mouth breathing cannot offer. Also the very act of nose breathing has a more calming effect on the body.

Here are a few techniques recommended (and practiced) by me to help you either when you are driving or prior to a journey to help calm the nervous system.

Box Breathing: also known as square breathing, is a simple yet powerful breathing technique used by the military that has gained popularity for its ability to promote relaxation, reduce stress, and enhance focus. It involves inhaling, holding the breath, exhaling, and then holding the breath again, each for a specific count, typically four seconds. This rhythmic pattern creates a square, hence the name “box breathing.”

One of the key benefits of box breathing is its impact on the autonomic nervous system, helping to balance the sympathetic (fight or flight) and parasympathetic (rest and digest) branches. By consciously controlling the breath, individuals can activate the relaxation response, leading to a sense of calm and improved mental clarity.

Deep Diaphragmatic Breathing: By consciously engaging the diaphragm and taking deep breaths, individuals can increase oxygen and blood flow to the body and brain, countering the shallow breathing often associated with anxiety.  This type of breathing also promotes a sense of grounding and can help individuals feel more centred and in control while driving.

Alternate Nostril Breathing: (Should be done prior to driving as it does involve using one hand to block the nostrils).  This yogic technique involves breathing through one nostril at a time.  The method is blocking one nostril, breathe, hold, then breathe out through the opposite nostril. Hold, then breathe back in through the same nostril you last exhaled out of. Hold, and breathe out of the first nostril.  Normally for the count of four or six.  Half a dozen rounds of this helps balance the left and right hemispheres of the brain, enhances focus and calms the nervous system.

Resonant / Coherent Breathing: For those dealing with issues such as congestion and don’t like crowded roads this may be beneficial. Breathing in for the count of 5 or 6 and out for the same count, amounts to 5.5 rounds per minute which has been shown to synchronise heart rate.

All of these techniques should be from the belly for maximum benefit as this helps to stimulate the Vagus Nerve. It is also worth adding that while I have advised these techniques for reducing driving anxiety, they can also benefit individuals in their overall wellbeing too 🙂 .

One of my clients recently admitted they felt disappointed that they still felt spikes of anxiety when they drove even though they’ve been working at this for a few weeks.

The fact is, we need anxiety and we need stress. Without it the human race would not have survived.  The Sabre Toothed Tigers would have eaten us long ago.  The good news..! there are no more Sabre Toothed Tigers.  The bad news… We still jump into Fight and Flight response at our perception of danger.  This is a perfectly normal, but these days it’s other things that trigger this.

Fact:  We are only biologically programmed to fear two things: loud noises and fear of falling. (This is not a fear of heights).

All other fears and phobias have been learned.  We may have learned them through transference from a parent or another influential person in our life.  Or, we may have had a negative experience, and our subconscious brain starts to overreact to ‘keep you safe’.  Phobias are more pronounced than fears. They develop when a person has an exaggerated or unrealistic sense of danger about a situation.  On the basis you are reading this it is likely to be an exaggerated fear of driving. If not altogether, then on a particular type of road or area.

Subconscious mind always wants to keep us safe

There is good news, but it won’t be easy.  The subconscious brain will do it’s best to ‘keep us safe’ so we need to demonstrate to the subconscious mind that we are OK.  No one state will remain the same for long. So, when you’re feeling the anxiety and discomfort rising, know that this WILL pass.

All states change

Imagine listening to a comedian telling a joke, you may well laugh and if it’s really funny and well delivered you may laugh for what you feel to be quite a while.  But the laughter subsides, and our state resumes to something more stable again. Should you hear the same joke again, while you still consider it funny, it won’t have the same impact on you, and if it you heard it several times, its impact totally subsides. But a new joke would have you laughing again… for a while anyway.

So, it stands to reason that when in a heightened state of stress, anxiety and panic, while it is a far less desirable state than laughter, it too will pass!  Granted it is not a comfortable state to be in, and our natural default is to avoid this state or stay in it for a little time as possible.  However, just like hearing the same joke over and over will wear thin, so too will the wave of anxiety and high stress if we can just accept that being uncomfortable is something that we need to become comfortable with.  Sounds like a paradox doesn’t it.  But what we resit will persist.

Stress in small doses is necessary

Notice I’m using the phrase ‘high stress’.  Stress is normal and we do need to have a level of stress to remain present and in control when we are driving.  People perform well under low level periodical stress.  Research has proved that people who were told that feeling a reasonable level of stress is helpful performed over 30% better in an exam those who were not.  Stress in small doses is a necessary state to keep us safe and help through our day-to-day activities.

Reframing

It’s when stress or anxiety is present for longer periods of time, or it spikes disproportionately that we have an issue.  Baby steps will help us gently desensitise.  A useful coping strategy that can help is to reframe the anxiety to a challenge, curiosity or excitement. If we can get comfortable with being uncomfortable, we can start to manage the situation more effectively.

Cold shower

Another example in facing discomfort is taking a cold shower.  There is ample research these days on the benefits for mental and physical health of showering or immersing ourselves in cold water.  Fact:  This is NOT comfortable!  I speak with first-hand experience as this is something I do regularly.  I used to hate turning my tap to cold at the end of my shower. I would tense up and brace myself for the 30 seconds I tried to stay under the flow of the cold water.  However, I soon learned to stop resisting the discomfort and breathe into it and accept it.  The discomfort is still there but it’s so much easier to cope with when you accept it.  I got comfortable with being uncomfortable as it’s only for a short period of time.

I also recently attended an open water swimming event where I swam in eight-degree water for half an hour.  It was the adrenaline that fuelled me through the event.  It was very uncomfortable, but I accepted it as my challenge. The body fights the discomfort in the first few moments, but after a while I settled into it.  The elation at the end of the challenge was amazing.  (Can I just add this is not a suggestion you all start jumping into cold water this winter.  I have been doing this for several years and have habituated to this over a few years.  Start with the cold showers).

What we resist, persists

Resist the discomfort, it will go on for longer.  Accept the discomfort as a challenge and we will start to habituate to our situation and then we steadily desensitise.

New perspective

My client who explained they were disappointed their anxiety and discomfort had not ‘gone away’ by now, has a new perspective.  They had forgotten that some of the smaller journeys that were initially challenging, are far less uncomfortable now as they had already habituated and without realising desensitised to them.  They are still pushing themselves to bigger and more challenging journeys, this is why they are still feeling the anxiety.  I reminded them to look back at their journal.  Use their coping strategies and congratulate themselves on each and every achievement that has been made. Rest and move to the next level. You can do the same.

People often wonder how I can help them if I’ve never suffered with driving anxiety.  This is a common misconception that people tend to have if I’ve not been through what they are going through.

 

The fact is I do have my own fears and phobias. One is arachnophobia 🕷️😱. (Not discussing that just yet). Another is heights. But the fear I’ve been working on the most more recently is to manage my fear of open water swimming.

 

It’s deep and dark and I’d rather not know what us below me.  There’s even a name for it.

 

Thalassophobia is a fear of the ocean or large bodies of water. I can become totally overwhelmed when swimming in even a modest lake if I don’t have others near me. Submophobia is a fear of objects under the water. For me it’s looking down at weeds and rocks lurking up at me. Also, some man-made submerged objects like the rope that goes down from a bouy to the bed of sea, lake or river.

(Incidentally I love watching fish under the water).

 

I am a seasoned open water swimmer and have been working on this for a while.  At one point I couldn’t even open my eyes (with my goggles on of course), in calm and clear sea water over sand, and seeing any small cluster of weeds or dark rocks sent my anxiety levels soring! This included kayaking or being on my Stand-Up Paddleboard looking down over these objects too.

 

But as time has gone on by and with gentle exposure and coping strategies my levels have reduced to a much more manageable level. though it can still take me by surprise every now and then.

 

🤿 I snorkelled in the Med earlier this summer and I forced myself to swim over rocks that harboured the beautiful fish. I would spike occasionally to 6 (out of 10) before calming myself down.

 

I’m considerably calmer than I used to be and can now cope with small clusters of rocks and weeds much better than two or three years ago.

 

However, I recently visited a friend in Dorset and agreed to swim out to and along the string of bouys parallel to the beach about 100 meters from the shore-line. It started fine as I was looking down at sand and as we went out and got deeper. Then a huge shallow bank covered in dark seaweed appeared under me and I started to freak! Had I been able to clear it in a few seconds it would have been manageable, but it went on for a while and the seabed seemed dark all around. I did try to reframe my fear by appreciating the beauty of the different coloured foliage but by now I was panicking. My anxiety level was a good 8.

 

I had to revert to heads up breaststroke for a while to bring my anxiety levels back down and the weedy bank reverted to sand again. I did the rest of the swim without much too much bother and even made myself look at the ropes connected to the bouys anchored to the sandy bed.

 

However, it was constantly in the back of my mind through the rest of that swim that I had to go back over it again to return to the beach. It couldn’t be avoided, aside from closing my eyes again or heads up, but I did my best to embrace the challenge and turn my fear into curiosity instead.  I made it back to the beach having enjoyed a lovely swim.

 

I’m pushing myself gradually and when I look back, I have come on leaps and bounds. My next challenge was to swim the whole way round my local lake with my eyes open looking down at the shallow shelf without freaking out.  As with all of us facing our fears, it’s eighty percent mindset and twenty percent opportunity.  That opportunity came about in the September heatwave.  I couldn’t face the local Parkrun, so I decided to go to my local lake.  Knowing there would be plenty of people there being drawn by the good weather, but not swimming with anyone in particular (otherwise I would have chatted all the way round doing breaststroke), the opportunity was perfect.  I had already visualised myself doing this with my eyes open, so I just had to get on with it.  Well, I did it!! I’m not saying it was easy, and one or two things under the water did make me jump, but I used my coping strategies and I carried on.  I ended up going around three times as the opportunity was too great to miss.  I then started to habituate and desensitise to the things that made me jump first time round.

👍🏊‍♀️🤿

 

So, when it comes to helping people with their driving phobia I have plenty of experience in understanding how they feel and how to approach and move through the fear to enable it to become far more manageable. Then to be able to look back and smile at what you have achieved.