Author: Diane Curtis-Knight

Experiencing a panic attack or high levels of anxiety while driving can be a terrifying and debilitating experience. It can shake your confidence behind the wheel and make you hesitant to get back on the road.

However, adopting the “fake it ’til you make it” mindset can be a powerful tool in gradually overcoming driving anxiety and regaining control.  Firstly, what does ‘Fake it till you make it’ actually mean?  Generally, it means to portray yourself like the person you always wanted to become. To challenge yourself to perform a task which you are not confident at. Or to bring yourself out of your comfort zone in order to achieve your targets.

An alternative phrase and one I prefer is “Fire it till you Wire it”.  This phrase more accurately points to the neuroplasticity of the brain.  Our capacity to grow and re-wire our brains through new or challenging experiences is available to us throughout our lifespan.

Let’s explore how this approach can help drivers who struggle with anxiety either on particular roads or at any time while driving can rebuild their confidence and get back on track.

• Recognize that the fear and anxiety you experience while driving are valid emotions and can manifest as physical symptoms. It’s important to understand that driving anxiety (vehophobia) is not uncommon and can happen to anyone.

• Take Small Steps: Don’t over challenge yourself. You wouldn’t go into a gym for the first time and expect to lift the heaviest weights. You would probably injure yourself, get put off and never go back. Desensitise gradually with baby steps. Micro-stress with gradual exposure to the areas that trigger you. All the time telling yourself that you are in control. (Even when you don’t feel that way).  Do a little every day.  Gradually increase your exposure to the areas that trigger you. Rest and repeat. (Just as you would when training for a fitness event).

• Practice Deep Breathing and Relaxation Techniques: When anxiety arises while driving, deep breathing exercises can be incredibly helpful in calming your mind and body. Practice slow, deep breaths from the belly area. Counting in for 4 and out for 6.  Combine this with relaxation techniques like visualisation to promote a sense of calm and control.  (We will look into visualisation in more detail soon).

• Reframe Negative Thoughts: Challenge negative thoughts that contribute to driving anxiety and replace them with positive affirmations of your choice. Your brain hears what you say! Instead of focusing on worst-case scenarios, visualise arriving at your destination via the road that you have been avoiding reminding yourself you are in total control. Say this out loud! (Remember anxiety and excitement feel exactly the same as they come from the same place. Reframing anxiety as excitement really is about faking it till you make it).

• Reach out to a supportive network of friends, family, or get professional help. It’s possible alternative help such as a CBT therapist or hypnotherapy may compliment your road to recovery.

Recovering from driving anxiety is a gradual process that requires patience and self-compassion. “Fake it ’til you make it” can serve as a guiding principle, reminding you to believe in your ability to overcome challenges and gradually regain confidence on the road. By taking small steps, breathwork, gradual exposure, reframing negative thoughts, and seeking support, you can reclaim your independence.

The Paradox of Resistance: When What You Resist Persists

Have you ever noticed that the more you resist something, the more it seems to persist in your life? It’s a curious phenomenon that often leaves us frustrated and wondering why our efforts to eradicate or avoid certain things only seem to make them stronger. Ironically “What you resist persists.” In this blog, we will explore the underlying psychology behind this paradox and discover how embracing acceptance and shifting our mindset can lead to more rewarding outcomes.

The Nature of Resistance

Resistance is a natural response when we encounter something we perceive as negative or undesirable.  (The reason you are reading this is because of your fear of driving, if not all together then in certain circumstances or on certain types of roads.) It stems from our instinctive need for control and self-preservation. We resist change, uncomfortable emotions, difficult circumstances, or anything that challenges our established beliefs or routines. It’s a defence mechanism that arises from a fear.

The Paradox Unveiled

Ironically, the very act of resisting and avoiding what makes you uncomfortable can perpetuate the persistence of what we are resisting. Here’s how it happens:

• Amplification: When we resist something, we tend to give it more attention and energy than it deserves. Our focus becomes fixated on the object of our resistance, making it seem more significant and powerful than it actually is. We inadvertently amplify its presence in our lives, and we become hypersensitive to how we feel when we do push ourselves and step into the uncomfortable.
• Energy reinforcement: Our resistance and avoidance is often fuelled by strong emotions such as anger, frustration, anxiety or fear. These emotions carry a powerful energy that can inadvertently fuel the persistence of what we resist. The more we invest our energy in fighting against it, the more it gains momentum.
• Cognitive reinforcement: Our thoughts play a crucial role in shaping our experiences. When we resist something, we engage in a constant mental battle against it. Our thoughts become consumed by the very thing we wish to eliminate, inadvertently reinforcing its presence in our lives.

The Path to Acceptance

To break free from the paradox of resistance and avoidance we must shift our perspective and embrace acceptance. Here are a few steps to guide you along the way:

• Awareness: Start by becoming aware of what you’re resisting and avoiding and the impact it has on your life. Pay attention to the emotions, thoughts, and behaviours that arise when you encounter the avoidance.
• Acknowledge and explore: Instead of immediately resisting, take a moment to acknowledge and explore your feelings. Understand why you are resisting and what it represents for you. Is your perception of driving down a particular type of road worse than the execution of it. This process of self-reflection can help you gain clarity and insight. (Journaling can help assist you in this area.)
• Reframe your focus: Instead of fixating on avoidance, consciously shift your focus to what you desire and the positive aspects of your life. Redirecting your attention and energy towards what you want to cultivate will gradually diminish the influence of what you’re resisting. How much longer is it taking you to get to work when you avoid the motorway.  How is this effecting your employment prospects or other people in your household.  What does it mean to you to be able to step up and not feel so anxious about that journey.
• Practice mindfulness and resetting your Vagus Nerve.
• Start journaling how you feel about your journeys and set your goals, big and small.
• Celebrate each win no matter how small.
• Accept regression is part of the course.
• NEVER give up.

The paradox of resistance reminds us that our efforts to eradicate or avoid making certain journeys can unintentionally give them more power and presence in our lives. By embracing acceptance, setting action plans, facing our fears, reframing how we feel by gentle exposure therapy, and journaling we can break free from this paradox and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Remember, what you resist persists.

As it’s Mental Health Awareness week I wanted to touch base and discuss how so many people find talking about their driving anxiety is such an issue.  It becomes a major sticking point to so many and starts to become a stigma.

Mental Health, or rather poor mental health will have touched everyone of us at some point but it gets swept under the carpet and we tell people we are fine.

There is only one way stop any mental health issues being stigmatised and that is to talk about it.

Clearly, we’re here because of anxiety with driving, but let me ask you.  How many of your friends and family know about your issue?  If the answer is no-one, then ask yourself why? Or maybe you have mentioned it to one or two people and they just didn’t’ get it. They told you it’s all in your head and to just get on with it.  Granted, this does not help and is perhaps understandable that you’ve decided not to share this information with anyone else.  This may be particularly difficult if your partner or your employer is less than understanding.

So, what can we do about it?  Education.  Open discussion and explaining to people that this isn’t just something to pull yourself together with.  There is a range of information out there on You Tube, Social Media and Forums that you could forward to them to explain that this is more common than people perceive.

One of my client recently told me how she visited family the previous week only to discover that each of the family members had an issue with driving on certain types of road.  It was only that this particular client was open enough to discuss her anxieties with them and that she was seeking help for it that they all started to open up to each other.

Having someone with you to encourage you, (not just tell you to get on with it) when approaching the type of roads that challenge you can help.

Having an accountability buddy to share your challenges with.  It could be a friend, family, or it could be me.

Journaling about the journeys that make you uncomfortable and celebrating the wins, no matter how small can all help.

Above all, keep talking and keep working towards your goals of being able to live life on your own agenda.

You may already have heard about the benefits of journaling as there is much evidence-based research that shows this can help to reduce anxiety.

• ‘No matter your age, journaling is a powerful evidence-based strategy that you may find helpful for managing mental health conditions and stress. Journaling is an example of an expressive coping method, which is a technique that helps a person process negative thoughts, feelings or experiences by releasing them’. (psychocentral.com).

With the specifically designed Driving Anxiety Coach – Driving Journal you can set realistic goals and targets, no matter how small. We are 42 percent more likely to achieve our goals just by writing them down according to Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University. Start small and work up. Make them achievable, not overwhelming. Go slowly, but never backwards.  You can upgrade them whenever you’re ready.

Recording and journaling a drive that was challenging can help you reflect on how it went. Looking back at these records later can help you realise how far you’ve come with your progress even if you don’t feel you have.

Scoring (out of 10) how you feel about having to do the journey, and then again having executed it can also help you realise the anticipation is often worse than the execution. Reflecting upon this a few weeks later you can also see tangible evidence that the fear levels and symptoms of anxiety are reducing.

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I went away over the Easter break to The Netherlands and toured across the country on my push bike.  The phrase ‘When in Rome’ springs to mind as The Netherlands accommodates 17 million inhabitants and 23 million bicycles, (around 2 million are e-bikes).  I don’t own an e-bike so had to rely on my own fitness to get me round.  It was however, a pleasure (most of the time) to cycle in The Netherlands as a) it’s flat.. very flat; and b) everywhere you go there are fit for purpose cycle paths so I felt safe cycling in most places. Amsterdam was a little more challenging, but generally speaking it was great experience once we got our heads around riding on the other side of the road from the UK.

I rarely cycle in the UK these days as the roads around the area I live in rural Buckinghamshire is very poorly maintained to point they are too dangerous for anyone on two wheels and unfortunately the attitudes of some drivers is negative towards cycling and I don’t feel safe. So, one of my issues was my fitness as I haven’t cycled any decent distance at home since COVID times so felt bad that I was holding my friends up.

The last day of our break we were due to cycle from the east side of the country to the west in one hit to catch the ferry back home.  The distance was 60 miles (around 100km) and the weather forecast was not good with a band of heavy rain and head on winds hitting the country from the afternoon. So, I had a contingency plan to catch a train if the going got too tough for me.

It became clear that fitness was less of any issue and mental attitude was the biggest.  I had to change my mindset. Rather than my story being, ‘I’ll never be able to do this’, I had to change it to ‘I CAN do this’, and quite frankly it was a game changer.

Also, rather than thinking I have 60 miles to cycle I broke it down into six lots of ten mile sections. Stopping for a short break and ticking off each section as we went by.

The main train station I considered stopping at was around 35 miles in, but when we got to it, I had kept my story positive and was enjoying the journey, plus we were making good time to beat the bad weather.

Unfortunately, the weather did close in on us with around 15 miles to go and but with most of the journey now under my belt I made the decision to keep going. I kept my mindset positive by saying out loud ‘this is fun’, (a little ironically, but nevertheless it worked. Fake it till you make it!)

I looked to the end of each road, or section of cycle path to reach and counted down the last few sections.   Even with the now awful weather I knew the going was so easy in this country as there were no hills and I did not want to waste this opportunity.

The sense of achievement was amazing! It left me confident I could and would do this again.

So, when you are looking at doing a journey be it long or short, don’t think of it as a whole.  Break it down into bite size manageable steps or sections.  Stop for a break and move onto the next section.  If the going gets tough within those sections then micro-section it, to the end of a road, a tree or a sign.  The biggest challenge is in our heads.  Mental attitude is everything.

Anxiety and panic attacks, regardless of the triggers, often come with a set of physical symptoms.  This can be dizziness, Norcia, tingling hands and legs, raised heart rate etc.  Because we don’t like the way this makes us feel, we then avoid the triggers that set these symptoms off.

The fact is though that your Anxiety is Cognitive, not Physical.  Let me repeat that: Anxiety is Cognitive, not Physical.

When it comes to Driving Anxiety this can become extremely restrictive to your life as you have to rely on others or not so reliable public transport. You start living your life on other peoples’ schedules, not your own. This can be costly both financially and emotionally and can put strain on relationships.

The trouble is, we start to fear the fear and so AVOID the places that trigger those uncomfortable feelings.  (This is natural as human beings we don’t want to feel these uncomfortable and sometimes out of control feelings).  But let me repeat… This is COGNATIVE, NOT PHYSICAL.

So, what does RECOVERY look like?  Well firstly, Recovery is not linier and it isn’t easy.  I want you to understand that RECOVERY for Driving Anxiety doesn’t mean the fear will go away entirely.  It’s about managing the fear by gentle exposure or baby-steps if you prefer.

Accepting that the occasional wave of panic or anxiety may still re-visit you, but you as you are EMPOWERED with the right tools to cope, you get through and understand that you are OK! This is what recovery looks like. This is your new normal.